Jack of all trades, Master of Procrastination!

Hello all,
I had an awesome one month with my exams and submissions and stuff, and it felt like a whiff of fresh spring air with the cookie smell in the background (YES! Sarcasm!). So when I was little I read many stories where the protagonist of the story ends up achieving a great deal of stuff, or saving the world and I used to believe that I was destined to be someone like that, too, a cute and bubbly superhero, but it seems like I will have to be content with just being a loved person for a lucky few. I am a very fickle-minded guy, but my 160 pound body displaces itself less than Snorlax (Fattest and Laziest Pokemon) did in all the episodes of Pokemon. I have a hyperactive brain trapped inside the body of a “guy in coma” lying in bed who refuses to move even to fulfil the basic needs, and requires the aid of people nagging around him begging, to take a bath or have meals or have catheters sticking out of him to carry out that the brain requests to dump the bodily fluids out. So here I am sharing my life with one of my very best friends, Mr. Procrastinator.

So, a little bit about my friend who has been a part of me for almost all my life that I have lived with so much fulfillment (Kids, these days, no?). He is kinda shy and reserved, but he gets what he wants and what he wants is instant gratification of his weird desires (P.S.- Usually not of gross nature, just plain old, crazy and strange). He also has the habit of putting off important work which is awesome. He loves to just hang out with his best pal in this whole wide world, Mr. Lazy, who is more similar to him than you would like.

So, a few days back (or was it months, I am very forgetful considering I am an elephant) I saw a TED Talk by Tim Urban, who delivered my most favourite TED Talk since it’s inception (I am not talking about the Nolan’s one, or am I?) and he talks about the inner plumbing of a “Master Procrastinator”, which has an overdosed helping of an “Instant Gratification Monkey” who does what he wants to and is the captain of the ship overthrowing the “Rational Decision Maker”, which is also the part of the brain and the dominant one in the brains of non-procrastinators. But when the deadlines are close or there is a possibility of a public embarrassment in the near future like, the semester examinations, submission of a project, mom’s 50th birthday (my mom is not 50, yet. I don’t know why I needed to clarify that), our brains have the pleasure of the “Panic Monster” visiting, the IGM is terrified of the PM, leaves the ship and runs away leaving the RDM at the helm of proceedings. So that is basically how we procrastinators function.

So even though we are hated and despised, our kind and fraternity, I feel like we should be loved, because firstly we are conserving entropy by being constant and have a hand at reducing global warming, we let others succeed and tend to stay away from the limelight, we let you feel sorry for us and better for yourselves, we act as excellent cushions on the couch because we usually have a fluffy tummy and seldom do we displace (we always know the shortest distance, it comes like second nature to us, and in a way we are God-gifted, indeed). If we are not the heroes you want, I don’t think you could identify Gangadhar (Shaktimaan), even if he was staring right at your eyes.

But as Mr. Urban claimed that it is not always a bed of roses, we don’t always scrape through our assignments and the hurdles of life, the easy and fun part is often riddled with guilt and shame, but our procrastination does enable us to be better at different stuff, we are amazing with time management, we can get powered up to go very easily, we don’t lose our cool in high-pressure situations easily because we have practiced that from the time we remember. Procrastination has also got the power to induce some crazy quirks in you, for me it was more important to read about Liam Cunningham (Ser Davos Seaworth) who was an electrician before switching characters to acting rather than studying for my Basic Electrical paper, these pieces of useless trivia (for some obnoxious people) has nurtured the quizzer in me, which has earned me a few bucks (really very meager sum, for those small soft-drinks party, not the 5-star ones). It made me earn some fake respect among people who were amazed by my range of knowledge, from the morning tea (originated in China), to the dinner’s Chicken Tikka Masala (not really Indian, invented in Scotland, but by an Indian).  So procrastination is not all bad, it is just putting off your important work until you no longer can.

But that stops us from achieving us the greatness that we are destined to. And we are awesome as your significant others, we are too lazy to clean up and dress well, so you end up looking better in contrast. We don’t mind letting you the center of attention, we are great at sending you thoughtful texts because we have a very relaxed body, which results in the steady and free flow of our creative juices (anything to impress our bae, huh?). From my personal experience, I find procrastinators have a huge hand in the evolution of humanity and technology, where we would without cars and other automobiles; it was invented to let a lazy guy travel the world without as much as walking 10 steps, but procrastination has been a part of your life since the days of early men who were tired of walking far distances and invented the wheel, and at this age of technology when we have food (Pizza Hut, Dominos, other restaurants), education (No, not IIN, but Coursera, Udemy, Udacity , Khan Academy) and transportation (Ola, Uber, Meru)it has been easier than ever to be lazy. So pull up your pants, change that stinky “F-Society” (Pun Intended) T-Shirt and go get lazy.

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This blog is my fight against procrastination. I hope to post two articles every month, thanks to all my readers in advance for inspiring me with your wonderful comments, it makes me better. 🙂

Ciao…